I want you

In one of my late night talks with my host mom I finally started to get some romantic details from her. Of everyone I know she is my closest Gambian friend and is amazing at understanding my Mandinka. She seems the best to eventually get all the real details of a Gambian woman’s life. I’m starting slowly but like any little kid hearing how their parents met, I was interested in the littlest detail.

We originally started talking about girlfriends and boyfriends. I asked if my host dad was her boyfriend before he was her husband. She said, “Fanta, black people and white people are not the same. You white people have boyfriends or girlfriends, we don’t. Here, that is not good”. I asked if she had ever had a boyfriend and she said basically repeated what she said before. I asked if her and Dikori just starting talking, hit it off, and decided to get hitched. She said “No, I went to Bansang, he saw me and asked if I had a husband. I said no and he said he liked/wanted me. I told him that we are Gambian, if he wants me he needs to go talk to my parents.” I asked if she was originally annoyed that this man was talking to her like this. I have to wave my hand to men in car parks and on the street to make them leave me alone often and it gets irritating. Maybe the difference is that Gambian women have a split second to make a possibly lifelong choice. This man presents an opportunity and the woman will eventually say yes to one of them. Bana said he went to her mom’s place, talked with her family, and eventually he was allowed to “buy her”. Eventually she came to live in his compound.

I had heard that women don’t really get to sleep for 3 days before their wedding. She said “yeah, people are coming all the time and you are busy and just never get to sleep”. After a woman is brought to her husband’s house she had to stay in her house for a week. She is only allowed to go to the backyard and the rest of the time she is in her room. Weddings are always in the hot season and in the afternoons rooms can be terribly hot. She said “oh, it's so hot in there, and you have to stay in there. It’s not sweet.” I told her that some people in Kombo have boyfriends or girlfriends but I guess no one really has one in my village since our village is so conservative. She said “they are here, but people don’t want others to know. At night they go out and hang out with them. It’s not good but it happens and people keep it a secret.”

I got to tell her that most Americans date first. We want to make sure we find someone that we can get along with, someone we can enjoy things with, and that we always worry about divorce so we want to pick the right person. She seemed to understand but I don’t think she was sold on the idea. The good thing about her is that though she doesn’t always agree with the American way of life she never treats me negatively for personifying some of the American behaviors she doesn’t like. She is really tolerant of things she doesn’t support.

Villager Profile

Name: Bana

Age: Roughly 27

Education: some lower basic school

Children: 1 rather difficult 2 year old and one hopefully good baby on the way.

Job: School Committee and Women’s group member.

Hobbies: Sewing, braiding hair, sleeping (mostly during pregnancy), gardening, drinking tea.

Best quote: “Fanta is BIG! Fanta be GREAT!” (in English!)

"Thinking is not good"

My favorite part of each day in village is the evening and night time. Around 5 o’clock all yelling children go back to their respective homes, the women go to the garden, and I am left with the compound to myself for a minute. Things suddenly quiet down, the sun is starting to get at a beautiful angle, and I can pick up my house and relax. I love this time because there is no pressure to be out with my family. For about 2 hours I can do whatever I want. Normally I sweep my place, pick things up, wash dishes, listen to music, take a shower, have a snack. It’s all small stuff but I like not feeling expectation on me from people in my village.

As its starting to get dark I leave my house and sit next to my host grandma on the bantiba. Her and me aren’t big chatters to each other but we share a mutual affect for one another. She is the cutest old woman around and has always been really sweet to me. I always take her advice because I don’t think she has any malicious intentions ever and especially towards me. Her garden prowess is probably the only thing keeping my black thumb from destroying all of Gambia’s ecosystem.

Eventually everyone comes back to the compound and settles on the two bantibas. One of my two host moms will be working on the koos dinner (not anything like coos coos, don’t envision something amazing or anything) and everyone else will be laying out and talking. This is normally the time that the girls in my compound come to me for homework help. Normally it’s math or reading practise. My host sister in grade 4 is really starting to pick up sounding words out. I know that sounds silly that a 4^th grader is just starting to sound stuff out but for here, thats not bad.

Shortly after dark we eat dinner. My grandma and I each have our own bowl of Koos and the family shares a large bowl of it. I like koos. It looks like sand and sometimes is a bit flavorless but sometimes the sauce can be almost good and its enjoyable.

Then I star gaze, sometimes talk with my family, and eventually am asked why I am being so quite. I told my host grandma about a list of things I was thinking over and she said “you are being quiet and just thinking, that’s not good”.

If my host dad comes home early enough and eats his dinner he always invites me to eat from it. It’s half mandatory but it’s a good time to talk to him. I don’t really see him otherwise since he is a geli driver and works from 7am to about 8pm.

The other night my host family was listening to Jeliba (Gambias biggest musician. If you don’t know who he is Gambians will say “He went over to America! You don’t know him!?”). Suddenly one of the neighbour kids hooped up and started dancing. It was dancing like what you would see a Kangkoran do at a wedding party. It would go from slow, to quick leg movements, then posed, then butt shaking. This lasted for a good 30 minutes. Any time the song picked up pace this kid would jump up and start stealing the show. I used my flashlight to give him a spotlight and everyone got a kick out of this kid. Even now they still bring it up, “remember when Adama was dancing? Man! That kid can dance!”.

As always, here are some pictures.

The first is a picture of a Kangkoran. This one is the fun party type that show up for festivals. It's not actually a Kangkoran, its a Devil. This was the New Years Devil.

This is a Bitik. Its a littleshop that has a a ton of little things you could want. Cookies, Batteries, Bread, Soap. They are really useful and every village has them

This is a power outlet at the old PC house. Safety is our top priority. Don't Touch signs were all over the place.








This is my host dad holding up some Obama Attaya. If Obama got royalties from the stuff that his face sells he would have even more money. Seriously, there is tea, motor oil, shirts, belts, hats, stickers. Obama all over the place.








Lunch is up! Green leaf sauce that most don't like. I like it and rather prefer it to the oily sauces we have. It's okra, cassava leaf, some other leaves, and dried fish.







This is the garden that my family grows their food in. Most of it is onion and red pepper. I have 2 beds of my own that have green bell pepper and cabbage. My cabbage is quickly being eaten by bugs but I still have hope. My host grandmother said "cabbage work is not sweet" and I am starting to agree. My peppers are coming along nicely though everyone swears they will be the long green spicy peppers. Lets hope not. To get our there I have to either walk through leech laden thigh deep water or a 50 feet swamp walk. I choose the quicker thigh deep water.


This a Momalamin and Satang. Momo is 3 and Satang is about 11. They are both pretty fun. The expression of the 3 year old was pretty funny.











This is a little guy I saw in my rake. It was during the rainy season and my yard was taken over by frogs at night. I still get them there now that sit in the puddles from my laundry and dish washing. Since I live by a swamp the night echoes with hundreds of frogs.