50+20=100

There is a change going on up here. It’s slow, and frustrating, and uncertain but I see the beginnings of something that will take years and years to become something tangible.

50-50. This is the phrase you hear when people talk about women’s rights. It was supposed to be about work load and benefits between a man and (a) woman (en) within a marriage but now it seems to be used as a umbrella term for equality.

When you talk with women about 50-50 they seem in support. They think that in America and the West women live happy lives and their husbands help them with tasks and everyone works equally. In some ways that is true though probably not to extent of their day dreams. When you talk to men about 50-50 they usually laugh with a shake of the head “ha, oh 50-50, Do you guys really have that there? Ha, that’s crazy”.

Some people seem torn on the issue. From my host father I have heard “50-50, I think 50-20.” When I heard this I thought, “Is he trying to be clever because he has two wives?” But after half a second I realized “50+20+20≠100”. He isn’t about equality within his marriage in any way. He is the ruler of his compound, he wants his water carried for him, wants his dinner brought to his feet after his shower, and expects his wives to do a quick kneel to him every night. If he is thirsty they have to bring water to him even if they are far away from the water and he is next to it. If anyone is going to get beat in the compound it certainly isn’t him.

I have heard him discuss with other men about the new policy about that if a man beats his wife she is to take him to the police. I’m sure he isn’t pro about this since I have the host family that always fights during the holidays and if that law was being acted out he would have spent Koriteh and Tobaski in jail.

But then, this same man (who treats me very nicely) will say “I want all of my children to go to school. My sons and daughters... maybe Fatou Mata can be a doctor, or a pilot. Yes, I never got to go to school, but I want my children to go.” That is a VERY progressive stand compared to most of Gambia.

Recently the Vice President (“Her Excellency), along with Tostan (a huge NGO that does just about everything), and the Women’s Coalition made a trek up to the URR to do a march and hold multiple meetings about equality in Gambia. There was a radio presentation that preceded the arrival of “Her Excellency” that reached a majority of URR households and though some scoffed, some listened with quiet excitement, and some were indifferent it started the discussion about women’s rights.

My host mom’s live in an extremely conservative village. They have told me they can’t wear nail polish, no upper calves showing, no pants, hair is always covered, ect. As an example, they once were concerned that my “husband” would be upset about a picture with me and some musicians because I was sitting next to them. One time they were asking me if people lived in large family units in American or on our own. I explained that after 18 we are expected to eventually move out, get a job, and start to support ourselves. I said “everyone works. Women and men.” They both nodded and said “A betiyatta (it’s good)”. I could see why a Gambian couple moving to America would have problems. I think the change for the woman might come more naturally with some culturally supported freedoms and the man of the relationship might feel a lose of control in a situation in which he used to have total authority.

This is not representative of all relationships though. Recently while talking to a volunteer’s former host dad he told me “Love is easy, you work together, you talk to each other, we both watch the children, you support each other”. Some people are naturally a great example that not everyone is in a power struggle of a relationship.

Gambia is a place in transition. It is a country with a woman Vice President and women wearing burkas in the streets.